lullednightmare

i have come to think everything i do is meaningless. everything i have ever done or tried to do came up as meaningless. my own family probably thinks im meaningless... that i dont have a reason for existing. maybe im just a pig old sack of shit. with nothing good about it. everything i thought i was good at, that i really thought i could go somewhere with just gets scoffed at. everyone just looks the other way. i put so much effort into things just to see people go oh thats nice and turn their head away. its like they prefer things where there is no effort at all. im tired of hearing people getting hired fr jobs without even trying,

well... i know im falling away from this site rather fast... haha... whew... oh well. life goes on and all that junk :) so, i have gotten much better since the last update. I had actually gotten pretty bad there for a while and was hospitalized for a while. Found out i had gotten viral meningitis. oh dear god that was horrible... it got bad enough that i had forgotten where and who i was, and i have periods of time completely forgotten.  But, that is behind me, for now. I still get rather dizzy and black out every now and then, but it isnt bad, really. I now have issues with my sight, however, and i still get headaches. but i can function a

...for not being very active for the past few weeks. im actually having a bunch of personal issues at the moment, and my health has been declining rather fast. i even had to drop a few classes so i could even cope with health and school. i just hope things get better... and i hope everyone is doing fine.